It Really Is Possible to Forgive
Let’s be real, forgiveness is not easy.
Is it really possible to choose to forgive someone over offense?
Let’s be real, forgiveness is not easy.
Last week, we began to explore it in a more wide-ranging sort of way. More from the big picture view of our lives.
But, what about it personally? How do we actually forgive? Especially when we firmly have our feet planted in offense with someone? Isn’t this okay? After all, isn’t it the common way most people relate to one another?
So, what’s the big deal with forgiveness?
Is it really possible to choose to forgive someone over offense?
Well, we aren’t the only ones asking these questions. Two thousand years ago, Jesus’ disciples were asking Him the very same questions. Like us, they were wondering what forgiveness looks like in daily life. How to do it, rather than exact retaliation and revenge when someone offends us.
“At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, ‘Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?’” (Matthew 18:21, MSG).
One thing I’ve learned about offense is that it’s instinctual. Meaning someone says something to me or does or doesn’t do something to me, and I can immediately feel offended, angry, upset, judgmental. Can you relate?
It’s here, I find it easy to call someone a name, cast a judgement, criticize them, or even plan some sort of retaliation.
More personally, many years ago, very abruptly, the Englishman I was dating while I was studying theology at Oxford, broke up with me. He cut us off. Cast our relationship aside. Told me it was final.
For me, I was hurt. Confused. Probably to say I was offended by his decision is too tame a description of how I actually felt. However, over time, the response God helped me to come to for this Englishman was forgiveness. As I forgave him, it freed me from the bitterness and rejection I felt from his decision.
Most miraculously, as many of you know, ten years later to the month he broke up with me, we spoke. Because I had forgiven him, from my perspective, it was a healing, healthy conversation.
Did I have any idea I would even speak to him again? No!
Did I ever think it was possible to forgive someone who caused me so much pain? No!
And yet, by God’s grace, not only did we have that initial conversation, but after two years of getting to know one another again, online, and rebuilding trust because of Covid restrictions, we got married in September 2022.
Now, this Englishman is my husband!
From my life experience and the experience of so many others, and watching the nightly news, I believe offense is easy. It’s easy to be angry. It’s easy to react in judgment and name-calling. Especially, to those with whom we disagree and who hurt us.
It’s so much harder to forgive.
But, why?
Because it requires us to be honest. To see our culpability. Our humanity. To admit to our vulnerability of hurting and pain. And to sacrifice our agenda of retribution for God’s way of forgiveness.
But, how do we forgive?
I think we can start with Jesus’ words: Father, help me to forgive _________ he/she doesn’t realize what he’s/she’s done.
